is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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