i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
