I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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