the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
pray to the hookup gods
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
