I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
