I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
