tell your sister to shave her snatch
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
