I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
