you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
