I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
