wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
