They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
