Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
