can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
