Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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