I bet he comes in French.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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