Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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