he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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