just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
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Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I lost the right to judge tonight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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