my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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