do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
