why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
