What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
