sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
