woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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