Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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