Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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