You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
