My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize