I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
