Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
