Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
