I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
