She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
