I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
