its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
