It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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