My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
