I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
