Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
