I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
