you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
