True but thats because hes a fetus.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
