i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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