he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
