Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
