I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
