Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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