im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
