The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
