Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize