i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
