I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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