i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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