The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
