Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
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At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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