And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
