If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
