We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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