It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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