The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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