how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
