How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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