Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
