I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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