I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
