This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
