I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
