My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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