Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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