Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
