nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
