How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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