it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
