He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
