I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
