I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
