I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
