Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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