maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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