You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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