Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
